Yesterday we were at age 6, my Father had an mining job and was absent and my Mother was left unattended. No while my Father was away my Mother reverted back to her indifference but she also started sending me away. Not far away but I wasn't allowed in the house, or I was told to go to friends houses. Often she would have me take naps which went on until I was older. At the time I thought nothing of it but now looking back I realised that my Mother was laying the ground work of having her own life.
I remember nights not being able to find my Mother in the house when I woke up during the night. Now I don't know where she went but now that I'm older I don't put it past her. This is probably the last period in time I stood up to my Mother, the specific incident I remember was when I wouldn't eat a piece of cucumber (to this day it still makes me gag). She gave me the same piece of cucumber 3 days in a row for dinner. Realistically this is probably a bit extreme but I provided an outlet for her.
Soon my Father was home and things changed. My Father arrived home from working solidly to no savings, a wife with a drug habit and nothing to show for his pay check that he sent home every week besides a computer and a up to date mortgage. He suspected my Mother was cheating, she had changed and started to alienate her friends. There were a number of small fights, sniping at each other until my Mother got stubborn and pushed for a big one.
Now I have no idea what this fight was about, I assume all of the afore mentioned. I remember it was dark and I was in my pyjamas with my care bear standing between my Fathers old chipboard, wood patterned lino speakers watching my Mother scream in my Fathers face while she blocked him from the front door. I remember watching in awe at these two people who seemed so much larger in that moment. I remember my Father trying to move me and my Mother insisting I stay and watch. My sister Kory awoke crying at some point and my Father stalked down the hall to get her my Mother like a cat, was in front of the door telling him that he couldn't go in there near "her" child. All the while Kory keeps screaming. My Father's frustration and sheer need to get to Kory became to much and he punched the door next to my Mother's head.
That was what she wanted, to be validated in her screaming. I am not condoning violence but there is such a thing a soliciting and my Mother is an expect at that. My Father left immediately in horror at his own actions, hell he only ever smacked me once and even though I clearly deserved it (I was being a cheeky little shit) he was so traumatised he never did it again. I don't remember the series of events that lead to us moving out but it didn't happen immediately. I remember that my Father turned the door upside down and around so the dent was behind the door so's not to bother everyone. I remember this because the door didn't close.
It was about that time that my sister started to sleep in my room. My parents couldn't manage to get her to sleep in her own bed no matter what they tried. First they moved both single beds into one room and she'd still migrate during the night. Then they tried a camper cot between the two bed so she was next to me with the idea that they could separate the camper cot and bed until she was in her own bed. That didn't really work either. When we moved away from my Father by the time I was 9 my Mother had given up and got me a queen bed so we could sleep together.
For me there's a bit of a gap between ages 6 and 8 I can only remember that somewhere in the we moved away from my Father. I remember this because my friend and I were staying at her place and I recognised the main road we turned off when my Mother dropped me off that if you went right instead of left it went to our old house when I knew my Father was still living. We go on our roller blades and some how made it across that rather large main road and half a suburb. My Father wasn't home so we waited for his ute to pull up. He was beside himself and I think this was when I realised that they were apparent. My parents weren't a single unit any more. Why couldn't I see my Father, he's my Dad, I can see him any time right? Not so much, I remember thinking we were all going to get in trouble from my Mother, my Dad included.
So this is when I resigned myself to my world changing and I have no control over it. I stopped worrying at this point as I realised I couldn't do anything and I became all accepting. Of my Mothers rage, my Dad's place in my life, sheltering my sister Kory and waiting out the storm.
Substitute Girl Card #3 Rock
When I think back on that I remember we did a project about Australia's neighbours in school and they had the Easter Island stone heads. Something about their steadfast safe expressions inspired me to have the same. I felt comforted by them and if they lasted so would I.
